So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

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So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  alcazar on Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:40 pm

If so, read on:
100 facts you may not know about Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 2309 8.476
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. 3432 8.453
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. 2717 8.448
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 1979 8.417
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2350 8.397
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. 5209 8.394
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 1430 8.378
Chuck Norris can speak braille. 1874 8.376
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. 2288 8.366
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". 1637 8.274
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. 444 8.236
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. 1607 8.228
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square. 89 8.213
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. 771 8.195
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. 607 8.193
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. 852 8.167
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." 971 8.103
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 1047 8.066
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 1089 8.066
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 1126 8.042
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. 2729 8.011
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch. 92 7.946
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 1088 7.942
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. 1184 7.928
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef. 1099 7.927
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. 1086 7.899
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 1150 7.888
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 898 7.746
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 864 7.742
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result. 1183 7.705
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 1140 7.676
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. 932 7.673
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 771 7.672
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone. 883 7.655
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. 889 7.622
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister. 804 7.614
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. 927 7.611
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. 826 7.577
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. 889 7.555
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up. 883 7.547
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. 991 7.535
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time. 86 7.535
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. 850 7.516
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. 968 7.514
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 644 7.512
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. 644 7.502
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder. 480 7.494
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano 152 7.441
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first. 68 7.441
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 432 7.428
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. 803 7.413
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. 823 7.388
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this. 751 7.385
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins. 750 7.377
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. 874 7.364
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. 724 7.352
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. 703 7.344
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
1007 7.338
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon 67 7.328
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". 1059 7.322
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. 758 7.319
Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism. 1168 7.310
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 777 7.308
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 723 7.308
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. 668 7.308
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. 732 7.307
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley. 261 7.299
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. 852 7.298
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. 785 7.296
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris. 74 7.270
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 722 7.255
In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes. 63 7.254
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. 879 7.243
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life. 252 7.242
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further. 483 7.234
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. 756 7.218
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please." 937 7.212
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way. 520 7.212
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 829 7.191
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is. 848 7.173
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that. 569 7.167
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." 886 7.160
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims. 757 7.157
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. 660 7.129
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 709 7.127
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die. 778 7.105
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye. 463 7.104
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says. 723 7.097
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry. 823 7.089
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. 773 7.087
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. 765 7.081
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you." 707 7.078
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery." 788 7.076
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 708 7.075
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is. 703 7.074
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil. 766 7.073
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure. 821 7.071
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him. 716 7.070
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing. 759 7.065
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Fri Feb 06, 2009 1:40 pm

Chuck Norris also has an extra fist hidden in his chin
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  dallascowboy76 on Fri Feb 06, 2009 3:29 pm

100? you should read the 400 facts about chuck norris book Cool
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  White Knight on Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:16 pm

Chuck Norris can kiss my......wait, he's here now.....no, sir, no....i'm very very very sorry sir......no, please don't.....
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:31 pm

Never cross Chuck, unless you have Bruce Lee nearby
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  dallascowboy76 on Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:17 pm

i got to find out where bruce lee is burried and build a house next to it. it would be my garlic Cool
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Vault on Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:13 pm

I love Chuck Norris jokes! I also share a birthday with him!
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:28 pm

Surprised that's pretty cool, the only other person I'd like to share a birthday with would be Mr T. Unfortunately I share mine with J-Lo lol
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  White Knight on Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:36 am

I looked up who I share my birthday with and it's no one good. Though Tupac did die on my birthday, so I guess I have that going for me Rolling Eyes
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  nurges on Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:35 pm

Bowie and Elvis Cool
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:40 pm

Okay that's equal to Chuck Norris
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Vault on Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:42 pm

Other than Chuck Nortis, I also share my birthday with Shannon Miller! Very Happy
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  alcazar on Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:05 pm

How do you look it up? Mine is May 5th.
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:18 pm

I use Wikipedia, type in your birthday and then scroll down a little and it should say births
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  dallascowboy76 on Sun Feb 08, 2009 2:57 pm

Josh Beckett, Amy Chow, Emmitt Smith, Ray Lewis.....man i was born on an awesome day Cool
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Vault on Sun Feb 08, 2009 4:40 pm

alcazar wrote:How do you look it up? Mine is May 5th.

Just Google it. Just say May 5th birthdays.

I share mine with Carrie Underwood, Shannon Miller, Prince Edward, Sharon Stone, Osama bin Laden and Chuck Norris. Those are only the people I've heard of.
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Sun Feb 08, 2009 4:47 pm

Good list there, I've learnt that Barry Bonds, Bindi Irwin (daughter of Steve Irwin) and Torrie Wilson the wrestler are all born on mine lol
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  alcazar on Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:04 pm

Tammi Wynette Shocked
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  totorr on Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:58 pm

Mine is May 12th...
... like Malcolm David Kelley Laughing
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  White Knight on Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:19 pm

I also share mine with an ex-girlfriend..... Mad
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  David K on Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:27 pm

I share mine with Michael Phelps >.<
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:55 pm

A few months ago most people would have been like Surprised that is so cool
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  David K on Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:56 pm

Scrawney wrote:A few months ago most people would have been like Surprised that is so cool
lolol well I noticed that Shawn shares the same birthday as Robert E. Lee who I am related to because he was married to like my great great great grandma lol.
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  Scrawney on Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:58 pm

lol! best extended link to Shawn ever!
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Re: So......do we all know who Chuck Norris is?

Post  David K on Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:02 pm

lol! lol! Now I can go tell everyone im related to Shawn by birthdays! Razz
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